What Your Consumption Method Says About You

The way you consume cannabis says more about you than your Myers-Briggs type, your Enneagram number, or your Spotify Wrapped combined. This is a scientific fact that we just made up, but it feels true, and in cannabis culture, that's basically the same thing.

Joints

You're a traditionalist. You believe in the ritual. The grinding. The rolling. The slightly uneven burn that you pretend is intentional. You've practiced your roll for years and you're either very good at it or have convinced yourself that a cone-shaped joint is 'your style.'

You're the person at the party who says 'I'll roll one' with the confidence of a surgeon entering the OR. Everyone gathers to watch. The pressure is immense. The result is either art or a crime scene, and either way, you smoke it with pride.

Bongs

You have a piece of glassware worth more than your coffee table, and you're not ashamed of it. You've named it. You clean it semi-regularly, which in bong-owner terms means 'twice since you bought it.'

Bong people are homebodies by nature. You can't really bring a bong to a park. This is not a portable device. This is furniture. Your relationship with your bong is a committed, stay-at-home relationship, and you're fine with that.

Vape Pens

You value discretion and convenience. You've hit your pen in a movie theater, at a concert, and once in a very boring work meeting (you know who you are). The vape pen is the Swiss Army knife of cannabis — small, efficient, and slightly concerning in its ease of use.

The danger of the vape pen is that it makes consumption TOO easy. There's no ritual. No preparation. Just a button and a puff. It's the fast food of cannabis — satisfying, accessible, and you'll consume way more than intended because there's no natural stopping point.

Edibles

You're either extremely patient or extremely impulsive, and the edible will reveal which one you truly are (see: our article 'Edibles Are Just Trust Exercises With Yourself').

Edible people are planners. You don't eat a gummy on a whim. You eat a gummy at 7:30pm on a Friday because you've calculated the onset time, cleared your schedule, pre-ordered DoorDash, and queued up a playlist. This is a PRODUCTION.

Unless you're the other type of edible person, who eats a random gummy they found in their jacket pocket on a Tuesday afternoon and hopes for the best. There is no middle ground.

Dabs

You've graduated from the cannabis minor leagues and you want everyone to know it. Dabbing requires equipment that looks like it belongs in a chemistry lab, temperatures that could forge steel, and a tolerance level that makes other smokers raise their eyebrows.

If smoking a joint is drinking a beer, dabbing is doing a shot of 151. It gets the job done with ruthless efficiency. You're not here for a 'gentle onset.' You're here to fast-travel to exactly where you want to be.

Tinctures

You're either a medical patient who takes this seriously, a health-conscious person who doesn't want to inhale anything, or someone's cool aunt. Tinctures are the most 'I've done my research' method of consumption. You measure your doses. You track your effects. You probably have a spreadsheet. You definitely have opinions about bioavailability. You're doing cannabis the way your doctor wishes you'd do everything — thoughtfully, measurably, and with appropriate dosing.

Topicals

You're not trying to get high. You're trying to make your knee stop hurting. You're the most legitimate cannabis user in the room and you have zero interest in discussing strain profiles or terpenes. You want the cream that makes the pain go away, and you want to go about your day.

Topical users are the adults in the room. They've somehow made cannabis consumption boring, which is an achievement that deserves recognition if not excitement.

The Truth

Most people use multiple methods depending on the situation, because we're complex beings who contain multitudes and also because sometimes you forget your vape pen and your friend has a bong. Versatility is a virtue. Anyone who judges you for your consumption method has too much time on their hands and not enough weed in their system.

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