Angry Gorilla Auto

Origin Story

Bred by TBS—aka The Breeders Squad, not the network that used to play Conan—this auto took two years of lab-coat wizardry to splice ruderalis with pure sativa. The result? A plant that flowers in 8–9 weeks and still thinks it’s on a jungle gym. Sales are up 25% every quarter, proving stoners love anything that arrives before the pizza.

Effects

Imagine your brain doing parkour while your body remains stubbornly parked. Expect a jolt of creative electricity strong enough to power a small Etsy store, followed by a giggly euphoria that makes household chores feel like an episode of Jeopardy! hosted by Cheech Marin. Novices: start low or you’ll be alphabetizing your spice rack at 2 a.m.

Flavor & Aroma

Nose first: citrus peel, pine-sol, and a whiff of something your high-school gym teacher called "motivation." On the tongue it’s like biting into a grapefruit that just finished CrossFit—zesty, sharp, and weirdly proud of itself. Room note lingers long enough for your neighbors to know you’re not making lemonade.

Growing Notes

Auto means "idiot-proof," and this gorilla agrees. Indoors it’ll squat at 60–90 cm and still pump out 300–400 g/m² under basically any light that isn’t a desk lamp. Outdoors it shrugs off rookie mistakes like overwatering or singing to it off-key. Trichome count clocks 250k+ per bud, so break out the macro lens for your Instagram flex.

Medical Hits

Patients report it kicks fatigue in the nuts and tells stress to take a number. Great for daytime depression, ADHD, or anyone whose to-do list looks like a CVS receipt. Not ideal for insomnia unless your plan is to reorganize your sock drawer by color temperature until sunrise.

Who Should Grab It

Perfect for creatives on deadlines, gamers grinding ranked, or anyone whose calendar says "be productive" but their soul says "cosmic giggle fit." Skip it if you’re looking for a Netflix-and-nap companion—this ape wants to DO stuff, even if that stuff is just rearranging your Spotify playlists by emotional trauma level.