Apollo13

Mission Briefing

Apollo13 isn't going to the moon—it's going straight to your bloodstream. This indica-dominant beast was bred by Brothers Grimm, who apparently decided "let's make something that feels like being hugged by Jupiter's gravity." With 70% indica genetics, it's less space exploration and more space hibernation. The strain's lineage reads like a who's-who of couch-lock royalty, producing buds so dense they might actually have their own gravitational pull.

Effects: Houston, We Have a Problem

Remember how the real Apollo 13 had that "successful failure" thing going? This strain is more like a "successful nap." Within minutes of consumption, you'll experience what astronauts call "rapid onset tranquility syndrome" (they don't actually call it that, but they should). The 15-20% THC delivers a euphoric blast that slowly morphs into full-body sedation, making your limbs feel like they're filled with moon rocks. Side effects include profound appreciation for soft surfaces and an inability to remember what you were just talking about.

Flavor Profile: Pine-Sol Meets Fruit Basket

Apollo13's terpene game is dominated by myrcene, pinene, and limonene—translation: it smells like someone spilled Pine-Sol in a citrus orchard. The first hit delivers earthy pine notes that would make a Christmas tree jealous, followed by sweet citrus that'll have you wondering if you're smoking weed or drinking a craft soda. On the exhale, subtle berry and herbal undertones linger like that one friend who doesn't get the hint that the party's over.

Growing: Not Rocket Science, Actually

Despite the space-age name, growing Apollo13 is more "green thumb" than "rocket scientist." These plants stay compact and bushy, like they've been training for zero gravity their whole lives. Indoor growers report 30% denser buds than average indicas—think golf balls covered in frost. The purple coloration kicks in during late flower, especially if you drop temps like a Mars night. Yields are generous enough to make you feel like you've discovered a new planet made entirely of weed.

Medical Applications: Doctor Spock Approved

Apollo13's myrcene-heavy profile makes it the pharmaceutical equivalent of a weighted blanket. Patients report significant relief from chronic pain, anxiety, and that condition where you can't stop thinking about work emails at 2 AM. The CBD content (0.2-1%) isn't enough to temper the THC punch, but it adds just enough entourage effect to make you feel like you're getting the deluxe spa treatment. Warning: Do not operate spacecraft or attempt complex tasks like assembling IKEA furniture.

Who Should Board This Spacecraft

This strain is perfect for insomniacs who've tried counting sheep but prefer counting trichomes. Ideal for evening sessions when your biggest ambition is reaching the fridge without using your legs. Not recommended for morning use unless your job involves testing mattresses. If you've ever watched a space documentary and thought "I wonder what zero gravity feels like," Apollo13 will give you the terrestrial equivalent—minus the $20 million price tag and plus the ability to still order pizza.