Auto Critical Bang

The 70-Day Mic-Drop

From seed to sticky in 70–85 days, this auto is the cannabis equivalent of a 2-minute noodle—except the noodles don’t get you blazed. Bred by Sputnik Seeds (the folks who basically live in low-orbit grow tents), it fuses the legendary Critical lineage with a mystery “Bang” hybrid, then slaps on Cannabis ruderalis so you never have to touch a light timer again. It’s the lazy grower’s spirit animal.

Effects: Body Melt with Wi-Fi

Expect a balanced hybrid high that starts in the dome—creative, chatty, mildly conspiracy-theory adjacent—before dropping the body like a weighted blanket made of marshmallows. Functional enough to do dishes, potent enough to forget what dishes are. At 22% THC, newbies should maybe do half a bowl and a breathing exercise; veterans can chief with impunity.

Flavor & Aroma: Sweet Skunk Perfume

Nose straight outta the jar? Classic Critical: sweet, musky, with hints of fruit that your grandma would call “interesting.” Caryophyllene, myrcene, and limonene dominate, giving you a spicy-citrus skunk cloud that lingers longer than your ex’s text messages. Smoke tastes like a fruit rollup left in a toolbox—oddly satisfying.

Growing: Set It and (Almost) Forget It

Stays 60–100 cm tall—perfect for that IKEA wardrobe you definitely bought for clothes. Yields 350–500 g/m² under decent LEDs, or 50–120 g per outdoor plant if you give it sunshine and the occasional compliment. Side branches pop like popcorn, main cola swells to the size of a Red Bull can, and trimming is easier than explaining your search history.

Medical Uses: Therapeutic Fast Food

Great for anxiety, minor aches, and the existential dread of running out of snacks. The creeping body sedation tackles tension headaches and Netflix-induced back pain, while the cerebral lift keeps mood disorders from curb-stomping your evening. Not a knock-out indica, so you can still feed the cat.

Who Should Grab It

First-time growers who kill cacti. Apartment dwellers with nosy neighbors. Commercial growers running perpetual harvests like a Subway sandwich line. Basically anyone who wants photoperiod potency without the drama of 12/12 schedules. If you’ve ever Googled “weed plant that grows itself,” congrats—you found it.