Auto Gorilla Shizzle

The Origin Story Nobody Asked For

Short Stuff Seedbank basically Frankenstein'd ruderalis, indica, and sativa like they were playing genetic Jenga after three dabs. The result? A plant that flowers faster than your landlord cashes the rent check. Named by someone who definitely peaked in 2009, Auto Gorilla Shizzle carries 40% ruderalis genetics—basically the cannabis equivalent of a participation trophy that actually slaps.

Effects: Like Getting Hugs from a Silverback

Expect a balanced high that starts with sativa-style creativity (great for realizing your ex was right about everything) before the indica body melt kicks in (great for not caring). At 18% THC, it's strong enough to make you question your life choices but not strong enough to make you call your mom. Users report feeling 'productive' for exactly 17 minutes before getting distracted by their own hands.

Flavor Profile: Earthy with Notes of Regret

Terpenes went full identity crisis here. Myrcene dominates at 35%, giving you that classic 'I just wrestled a pine tree' aroma. Linalool adds lavender notes for when you want your weed to smell like your aunt's bathroom, while caryophyllene brings the peppery finish that says 'I make poor decisions but smell sophisticated doing it.' The smoke tastes like sweet earth with hints of tropical fruit—basically a fruit salad that grew up in the woods.

Growing: Even Your Dead Plants Could Do This

This strain is so easy to grow it practically raises itself. 8-10 weeks from seed to harvest, which is faster than most people's commitment issues. Yields range from 'impressive for an auto' to 'holy shit, is this legal?' The buds look like they were rolled in trichome glitter and photographed for a dispensary's thirst trap Instagram. Pro tip: The plant's so frosty you'll need sunglasses just to trim it.

Medical Uses (According to Your Stoner Friend)

Reportedly helps with anxiety, depression, and the crushing weight of knowing your high school bully is more successful. The balanced effects make it perfect for patients who want relief without feeling like they're piloting a spaceship made of their own anxiety. Some users claim it helps with creativity, which explains all the terrible mixtapes recorded under its influence.

Who Should Smoke This

Ideal for beginners who want to pretend they know what they're doing, and veterans who need something that finishes faster than their last situationship. Perfect for people who measure time in 'episodes watched' rather than actual hours. If you've ever killed a cactus but still want to grow weed, this is your redemption arc.