Bask Pie

The Origin Story (a.k.a. How Pie Became a Felony)

Bask Triangle Farms basically locked a pair of elite indicas in a honeymoon suite and refused to let them out until they produced a child so resin-drenched it could double as flypaper. After generations of "careful inbreeding" (their words, not ours), Bask Pie emerged: a boutique Frankenstein that smells like a pastry shop and punches like a heavyweight. Consumer demand for these small-batch Franken-pies is up 25%, because apparently we all want dessert that can also sedate a moose.

Effects: From Cheeky Grin to Horizontal

First hit: a sugary rush that whispers “you’re gonna get stuff done.” Second hit: the whisper becomes a scream of “absolutely not.” Limbs melt, eyelids gain weight, and your to-do list becomes a distant legend. Expect euphoria for exactly three minutes, followed by the kind of full-body sedation usually reserved for bears in January. Great for forgetting where the remote is—because you won’t care.

Flavor & Aroma: Grandma’s Kitchen, Now With THC

Crack a jar and you’ll swear someone just pulled a berry crumble out of the oven. Deep inhale adds pine and earthy spice, like the forest showed up to dessert and brought fresh vanilla beans. On the tongue it’s sweet dough, faint cinnamon, and a wink of peppery kush that says, "Don’t get too comfortable—you’re still smoking weed, buddy."

Growing Bask Pie (Hope You Like Trimming)

These nugs grow so dense they could bench press your scissors. Expect golf-ball nugs glazed in trichomes so thick they look frosted for Instagram. Indoor flowering clocks 8–9 weeks; outdoors, she finishes right when your motivation does—early October. Yield is respectable if you can keep humidity down, otherwise you’re cultivating mold pie. Pro tip: wear gloves unless you want fingers stickier than a toddler with jam.

Medical Uses (Doctor’s Note: "Couch Required")

Patients report this strain evicts insomnia like it owes rent, hushes chronic pain, and turns anxiety into a fluffy pillow. PTSD and muscle spasms tap out after two hits. Side effects include forgetting what you were stressed about, followed by forgetting what you were doing altogether. Keep snacks and water within arm’s reach—your legs are on strike.

Who Should Smoke It

Perfect for anyone whose ideal Friday night is horizontal. Night-shift zombies, Netflix marathoners, and people who think "light exercise" is hitting the skip-intro button. Not recommended for first dates, operating forklifts, or anyone who needs to find their car in a parking lot within the next three hours.