Cerberus

Overview: The Guard Dog of Genetics

Cerberus isn’t just a name—it’s a warning label. Gage Green Genetics spent 36 months tweaking this beast until it hit a 95% gene-stabilization rate, which is nerd-speak for "it won’t randomly morph into ditch weed." The 60/40 indica lean means you’ll feel motivated for exactly three minutes before the couch claims your soul.

Effects: One Head for Euphoria, Two for Couchlock

The first wave hits like a lemon-scented slap—creative, giggly, and convinced your group chat needs 47 memes RIGHT NOW. Thirty minutes later the other two heads show up: body melt, snack urgency, and a sudden PhD-level interest in documentaries about octopi. Expect to accomplish everything on your to-do list tomorrow.

Flavor & Aroma: Pine-Sol Meets Pepper Spray

Crack the jar and your kitchen turns into a Christmas tree farm run by skunks. The smoke starts bright citrus, dives into earthy spice, then finishes with a dank whisper that says, "Yes, your neighbor totally knows." Limonene and caryophyllene tag-team your tongue at 1.2%—because subtlety is for CBD seltzer.

Growing: Yield So Fat It Needs a Zip Code

Indoors, she’ll pump out 600 g/m² of purple-frosted nugs faster than you can say "regulation compliance." Outdoors, treat her like the diva she is: stable temps, moderate humidity, and zero drama. Colas stack like protein bars for giants, each coated in resin thick enough to wax a surfboard.

Medical: Because Adulting Hurts

Chronic pain? Anxiety? The overwhelming sense that emails breed in your inbox? Cerberus drags all of it into the underworld. High THC + terpene entourage equals muscle relaxant, mood elevator, and temporary amnesia for your ex’s Instagram. Side effects may include forgetting what you walked into the kitchen for.

Who It's For

Perfect for creatives who need inspiration before their 3-hour nap, medical users tired of OTC placebo candy, and anyone who’s ever said "just one bowl" and meant it (liars). Not for morning meetings, first dates, or operating anything with blades. Essentially, if you’ve got snacks and zero plans, welcome to the kennel.