The Elevator Pitch
Imagine if a Tesla and a beanbag chair had a baby, then that baby went to art school. That’s Chopper. Bred for resin nerds who need to stay awake during their 3-hour lo-fi playlist, it’s the strain equivalent of putting on real pants for a Zoom call—technically functional, morally questionable.
Effects: Who Do You Think You Are?
First wave hits like opening 47 browser tabs of motivation. Ten minutes later your spine turns into warm caramel and your ego politely files for unemployment. Perfect for writing that screenplay you’ll never finish, or pretending to enjoy your friend’s improv show.
Flavor & Aroma: Hipster Potpourri
Dominated by caryophyllene (black-pepper kick), limonene (citrus cleaner vibes), and myrcene (mango that read too much Camus). The smoke tastes like a craft cocktail served in a vintage ashtray—fancy, confusing, and somehow $18.
Growing Notes for Plant Parents
Expect a 1.5–2× stretch after flip, so if your tent is the size of a shoebox, maybe pick a Bons hobby instead. Yields dense, Instagram-ready colas that press into rosin like they owe you money. Pro-tip: cold-crashed nights = purple flex worthy of 400 likes.
Medical Uses (a.k.a. Excuses)
Chronic back pain from carrying emotional baggage? Check. Anxiety from remembering your 2012 Facebook posts? Double check. Also allegedly helps with appetite, which explains the sudden 2 a.m. charcuterie board featuring string cheese and tears.
Who Should Ride This Chopper
Built for creative types who schedule their breakdowns between brainstorming sessions. Not for purists hunting landrace terps—this is GMO-level hybridization wearing artisanal flannel. If your idea of adventure is rearranging your vinyl collection by mood, welcome home.
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