Dark Side Of The Moon

The Origin Story (a.k.a. Who Bred This Cosmic Diva?)

Credit goes to Exotic Genetix, the Washington wizards who apparently asked, “What if Spirit in the Sky and Green Ribbon BX had a love child that raided Hot Topic?” The result: a boutique cultivar so photogenic it’s basically Instagram royalty. Pro-tip: if the bud isn’t darker than your ex’s heart, somebody grew it too warm.

Effects: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Couch

Expect a 70/30 indica swing that starts with a heady sparkle—like your brain is twerking in zero gravity—before gravity wins and your limbs file for unemployment. Great for binge-watching documentaries about space while forgetting what planet you’re on. Novices: clear your calendar unless your calendar is just “nap.”

Flavor & Aroma: Dessert for People Who Eat Feelings

Crack the jar and you’ll get blackberry jam, pine-sol, and a whiff of incense someone lit to cover up the other incense. On the inhale: syrupy berry pie filling. On the exhale: spiced earth that tastes like your cool aunt’s forbidden fruitcake. Room note? Think “bougie candle that costs more than therapy.”

Growing: A Green Thumb’s Guide to Goth Gardening

Medium height, medium stretch, high brag factor. Drop nighttime temps to 60–65°F around week 7 if you want those midnight hues; otherwise you’ll harvest green nugs and have to explain to your friends why your Dark Side looks like daytime. Yields are respectable, hash returns hit 3–5% fresh-frozen, and mold resistance is “okay if you own a dehumidifier.”

Medical Uses: Approved by People Who Hate People

Patients reach for DSOTM to evict insomnia, mute chronic pain, and silence existential dread. The body melt is perfect for “my back hurts because I exist” days, while the cerebral wink keeps you from spiraling into a Neil deGrasse Tyson rabbit hole. Anxiety-prone users: micro-dose unless you want to audition for a statue role.

Who Should Smoke It

Ideal for creatives who do their best work at 2 a.m., gamers who need a reason to sit still, and anyone who thinks regular purple weed just isn’t emo enough. Avoid if you have a to-do list longer than a CVS receipt or a landlord who inspects for lingering incense smells.