Evil Intentions

The Origin Story (AKA How to Weaponize Sunshine)

NorStar Genetics basically asked, "What if we weaponized coffee and made it smokeable?" The result is this 70-80% sativa Frankenstein forged from secret high-THC parents that will never be named because the breeders signed NDAs written in kief. It’s been haunting dispensary menus for over a decade, mostly because no one can finish the jar in one sitting without reorganizing their entire life.

Effects: Productivity’s Overachieving Cousin

Expect your neurons to fire like Elon Musk’s Twitter fingers. Users report laser-beam focus, uncontrollable creativity, and the sudden urge to alphabetize their Spotify playlists. Couch-lock is a myth here—this strain thinks couches are for people who’ve given up. Great for writing, coding, or finally DM-ing your ex a PowerPoint on why they were wrong.

Flavor & Aroma: Citrus Cologne for Your Brain

Imagine a pine tree made lemonade with a dash of black licorice and then dabbed itself. The nose hits with earthy citrus, followed by herbal spice that whispers, "You’re in for a TED Talk you didn’t sign up for." On the exhale, it’s sweet enough to remind you that your tongue still exists, which is helpful because you’ll need it to narrate your new manifesto.

Growing: For People Who Hate Sleep

Expect trichome density 30-45% higher than your average sativa, meaning your trim bin will look like a cocaine snow globe. Buds are dense, purple-tinged, and shaped like tiny brains—fitting, since that’s what they’ll melt. Flowering runs 9-10 weeks indoors; outdoors, it’ll tower like a judgmental sunflower judging your lack of ambition.

Medical: Anxiety’s Worst Tinder Date

Doctors prescribe it for depression, fatigue, and ADHD under the clinical term "get stuff done, nerd." The beta-caryophyllene helps inflammation, but mostly you’ll be inflamed with ideas. PTSD patients love it for daytime relief; insomniacs hate it because bedtime is now brainstorming hour. Side note: may cure procrastination but will not cure your browser tabs.

Who Should Smoke This

Perfect for freelancers, PhD students, and anyone who thinks "rest" is a capitalist scam. Not recommended for people who need to sit still during Zoom court hearings or operate heavy machinery like microwaves. If your idea of relaxation is color-coding a calendar, welcome home.