G13/NL2 x NL5

Overview

This is what happens when government conspiracy weed (G13) has a three-way with two Dutch legends (NL2 & NL5). The result? An 80% indica freight train that’s part Men in Black memory wipe, part grandma’s couch. Deep Ellum Seed Co. calls it “refined.” We call it “nap time with paranoia sprinkles.”

Effects

Stage 1: Wave of warmth that says, “Your spine is now optional.” Stage 2: Sudden telepathy with your fridge. Stage 3: Couch lock so severe you’ll consider voting absentee for the 2036 election. Medical side note: excellent for turning “I can’t sleep” into “I can’t remember my own name.”

Flavor & Aroma

Smells like a pine forest hired a skunk as its bodyguard. On the tongue you’ll get earthy hash, sour citrus, and a whisper of “did I lock the door?” The exhale coats your mouth like you just French-kissed a resinous nug—romantic if you’re single, awkward if you’re not.

Growing Notes

Short, stocky, and dense—basically the Danny DeVito of plants. Trichome coverage hits 20%, so your trim bin will look like a cocaine Christmas. Flowers in 8-9 weeks and yields like it’s apologizing for the high. Resists mold, loves LST, and will absolutely narc on you if you overfeed.

Medical Uses

Doctors hate this one simple trick for erasing lower-back pain and existential dread. Also prescribed for chronic insomnia, appetite loss, and the emotional damage of group chats. Side effects may include thinking your cat is judging you (it is).

Who’s It For

Perfect for the “I just want to stop existing until tomorrow” crowd. If your idea of a wild night is horizontal meditation followed by cereal at 2 a.m., welcome home. Not recommended for people who need to operate heavy machinery—like a TV remote.