Gorilla Fast

The Origin Story Nobody Asked For

Picture a bunch of Spanish breeders locked in a lab, furiously hitting stopwatches while their indica plants race each other to harvest. That’s basically how Gorilla Fast was born. 00 Seeds took classic indica genetics, genetically spanked them for speed, and voilà—30% faster flowering than your average couch-lock cultivar. Historical records (read: stoned Reddit threads) claim the first test batch flowered so quickly growers thought their clocks were broken.

Effects: Gravity’s New Best Friend

With THC parked at 20-23%, this isn’t a suggestion to relax—it’s a court order. One bowl and your limbs file for unemployment while your brain takes an all-expenses-paid trip to the fridge. Expect the classic indica trilogy: euphoric head-rush, full-body cement shoes, and a sudden, passionate interest in the texture of your living-room carpet. CBD clocks in under 1%, so pain relief arrives without any hippie “I can still function” nonsense.

Smells Like a Forest, Tastes Like Regret

Crack open a nug and you’ll get hit with wet-dirt-after-rain funk, followed by skunky citrus that somehow screams both "grandma’s potpourri" and "high-school gym socks." On the inhale it’s pine-sol meets lemon pledge; on the exhale it’s earthy hash with a spicy finish that lingers like that one friend who won’t leave the party. Myrcene and caryophyllene dominate, because of course they do—these terpenes moonlight as the Sandman’s interns.

Grower’s Cheat Code

Plants stay compact—think bonsai on creatine—making them perfect for closet grows or that sketchy shed your landlord pretends not to notice. Expect dense, trichome-glazed nugs that look like they were rolled in confectioner’s sugar by Oompa Loompas. Indoors you’re done in 45-50 days; outdoors she’ll finish before your neighbors even notice the smell. Yields are generous, but anything over 60% RH and you’ll be hosting Botrytis & Friends.

Medical: Licensed to Chill

Docs won’t write prescriptions that say "smoke this and melt," but if they did, Gorilla Fast would be first in line. Perfect for insomnia, chronic pain, or the existential dread of realizing you’re out of snacks. PTSD patients report fewer nightmares—mostly because they’re unconscious. Warning: do not operate heavy machinery unless that machinery is a recliner with built-in cup holders.

Who Should Ride This Ape

If your idea of cardio is reaching for the remote, welcome aboard. Nighttime tokers, pain warriors, and anyone whose Tinder date just said "I’m into indica" will feel seen. Skip it if you’ve got deadlines, toddlers, or a Zoom call in the next three hours. In short: if you want fast flowers and faster naps, Gorilla Fast is your spirit animal.