Heri Berry

The Origin Story Nobody Asked For

Da Bean Co. claims they "passionately" bred this strain. Translation: they got high, ate a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and decided the world needed weed that tastes like dessert and feels like dental anesthesia. After allegedly "meticulous research" (read: accidentally crossing whatever seeds were left in the couch), Heri Berry emerged as the 18% THC answer to the question "what if I never wanted to move again?"

Effects: From Zero to Nope

First 15 minutes: "Hmm, this is nice." Minute 16: gravity increases 400%. Your legs become decorative. Your brain becomes a screensaver. Productivity becomes a myth your parents told you about. Perfect for when you've got big plans like reorganizing your sock drawer but decide horizontal is a valid lifestyle choice. Couch lock so strong you'll start referring to your furniture by name.

Flavor: Fruit by the Foot, But Make It Weed

Smells like someone spilled berry Kool-Aid in a pine forest. Tastes like your childhood fruit snacks grew up and got a mortgage. The exhale? Pure purple crayon. Terpene profile reads like a candy store inventory list, minus the shame. Your dentist will hate it. Your taste buds will send you a thank-you card.

Growing: Idiot-Proof Indica

Short, bushy, and dense - like your cousin Kyle after Thanksgiving. Flowers in 8-9 weeks because even this strain can't wait to get you stoned. Yields are "reliable" which is breeder speak for "you won't cry when you weigh it." Grows so compact you could probably hide it from your landlord by putting a hat on it. 70-80% trichome coverage means your grinder will look like it snowed.

Medical Uses: Prescription for Being Upright

Doctors hate this one weird trick for eliminating insomnia. Perfect for chronic pain, anxiety, or just really hating your yoga instructor. Side effects include: understanding why cats sleep 16 hours a day, forgetting what day it is, and suddenly finding documentaries about rocks fascinating. Warning: may cause you to become best friends with your couch.

Perfect For People Who...

...think "morning person" is a slur. Your ideal Friday night involves pajamas and a conspiracy theory documentary. You've ever said "I can't, my show is on" about a YouTube video. This is your spirit animal if your spirit animal is a sloth with a berry addiction. Basically, if you've ever used "busy" to describe your relationship with your bed, welcome home.