Landlocked Funk

The Origin Story Nobody Asked For

Back in the early 2010s, while everyone else was busy making “OG Kush #47,” Binary Selections decided the world needed a strain that flowers faster than your ex’s rebound relationship. They mashed up auto-flowering ruderalis with couch-lock indica and “let’s-paint-the-kitchen-again” sativa, then spent years stabilizing the chaos. The result? A plant that laughs at bad weather, yields like it’s on commission, and still manages to clock 18-21% THC like it’s no big deal.

Effects: The Mullet of Highs

Business in the brain, party in the body. First you get a creative jolt strong enough to alphabetize your conspiracy-theory corkboard, then a gentle gravity blanket melts over your limbs until horizontal feels like a career choice. In user surveys, 78% reported feeling “balanced,” which is stoner speak for “I organized my sock drawer and then forgot why I was holding a single sock for 20 minutes.”

Flavor & Aroma: Dirt, Citrus, and Existential Dread

Crack a jar and you’re smacked with earthy funk so pungent it could file taxes. Limonene pops in like a drunk cousin at Thanksgiving, while caryophyllene adds peppery notes that remind you your ex said you were “spicy but exhausting.” The smoke is smoother than your last Tinder date’s pickup line, leaving a lingering aftertaste of pine-sol and “maybe I should start journaling.”

Growing: Set It and Forget It (But Like, Actually)

Indoors she’ll stretch to 150-180 cm of bushy attitude, outdoors she shrugs off mold like it’s a bad Yelp review. Yields run roughly 30% chunkier than your average hybrid, thanks to genetics that basically scream “hold my trichomes.” Fast flowering means you’ll harvest before your landlord remembers you exist. Novice-proof, expert-entertaining, and she’ll still look prettier than your Instagram brunch.

Medical: Because Adulting Is Hard

With 0.5-1% CBD riding shotgun, this isn’t just THC flexing. Patients report relief from stress, minor aches, and the crushing realization that your group chat is planning brunch without you. The entourage effect allegedly boosts relaxation by 25%, which is science-speak for “you’ll laugh at a spatula for 15 minutes and feel oddly healed.”

Who Should Smoke This

Perfect for creatives who need to finish a project but also wouldn’t mind forgetting what the project was. Great for growers who kill cacti but still want dank bragging rights. If you’ve ever described your ideal weekend as “productive but horizontal,” Landlocked Funk is your spirit animal in plant form.