Long Valley Royal Kush x The Puck

Overview

Two legendary West-Coast heavyweights got drunk at a NorCal wedding and this is their overachieving baby. Pagoda Seeds basically microwaved Mendocino’s Royal Kush with “The Puck,” a mythical 90’s hashplant rumored to bench-press Volkswagens. The result is an 85-90 % indica that smells like a pine forest had a one-night stand with a leather shop—and left the condom on the nightstand.

Effects

First wave: a warm, fuzzy head-buzz that politely asks your frontal cortex to clock out. Second wave: full-body gravity calibration; standing becomes a TED Talk you’re too stoned to give. Couch, bed, or carpet—pick your landing pad. Great for people who consider “blinking” cardio. Novices: keep snacks within arm’s reach or you’ll end up licking the TV remote.

Flavor & Aroma

Crack the jar and get smacked with pine-sol, pepper steak, and a whiff of old biker jacket. On the inhale: earthy kush and cedar planks; on the exhale: diesel-soaked leather with a citrus twist, like someone squeezed lime onto a saddle. It’s the kind of funk that makes your roommate ask if you’re running a skunk rescue.

Growing

Short, stocky, and stubborn—basically the Danny DeVito of cannabis. Flowers in 8-9 weeks indoors, stacking dense, greasy colas that look rolled in sugar. Cool nights below 60 °F paint her eggplant purple. She yields like she’s trying to impress your in-laws and washes into 5-6 % rosin returns. Good candidate for SCROG, SOG, or “I forgot to train it but it worked out”.

Medical

Doctors won’t write this on a script, but patients swear by it for insomnia, back pain, and “my mother-in-law is visiting.” High myrcene + caryophyllene = a lullaby sung by a bouncer. Expect dry mouth, dry eyes, and a sudden urge to re-watch Planet Earth at 480p because 4K is too bright.

Who It’s For

Perfect for legacy stoners nostalgic for pre-legalization “crippy,” extract artists chasing 90-120 µ heads, and anyone whose evening plans include “horizontal life.” Not for Zoom calls, gym rats, or people who need to remember where they parked.