Monkey Farts

The Origin Story (AKA 'How High Do You Have to Be to Name This?')

Emerging from the golden age of strain names that sound like a dare, Monkey Farts allegedly started as a clone-only cut swapped between growers who’d clearly lost a bet. Most family trees trace back to Gorilla Glue #4 getting freaky with Banana Kush, producing offspring that inherited both the fuel-soaked punch and the tropical fruit salad aroma. The lack of a single breeder of record means your “Monkey Farts” might actually be your cousin’s “Banana Backfire,” but hey—branding is hard when you’re baked.

Effects: Couch Meets Banana Peel

The high ambushes you like a primate flinging feces: first a giggly, head-swimming lift that feels suspiciously sativa, then a weighted blanket of indica sedation that says, “Netflix already picked the documentary about competitive cheese-rolling for you.” Expect heavy eyelids, loose limbs, and the sudden realization you’ve been staring at your hand for seven minutes. Novices report time dilation; veterans report forgetting where they parked their will to move.

Flavor & Aroma: Dessert or Disaster?

Crack the jar and you’re punched by overripe bananas soaked in diesel, like a gas-station smoothie nobody asked for. On the inhale: creamy banana candy chased by a faint sulfuric whiff that dares you to question your life choices. On the exhale: cookie dough smeared across a tire fire. Room notes linger long enough to make your neighbor think you’re running an illegal banana bread drag-racing ring.

Growing: Because ‘Easy’ is for Quitters

Monkey Farts rewards the patient cultivator with golf-ball nugs so frosty they look suspiciously like tiny Christmas ornaments. She stays medium height but dense—think CrossFit short king—so topping and LST are mandatory unless you enjoy humidity nightmares and popcorn buds. Two main phenos circulate: the lighter ‘Banana Cream’ version that smells like dessert and the darker ‘Skunky Nightmare’ hash makers hoard. Either way, expect 8–9 weeks of flower, above-average resin, and trimmers who will never look at bananas the same way again.

Medical: Doctor, My Anxiety Smells Like Fruit Salad

Patients grab Monkey Farts for its heavy-handed knock-out punch against insomnia, chronic pain, and the existential dread of reading news notifications. The banana-candy terps make it stealth munchies fuel for chemo patients, while the glue lineage tackles inflammation like it owes it money. Warning: high doses may cause temporary paralysis of ambition—schedule your responsibilities accordingly.

Who Should Smoke This?

Perfect for the connoisseur who wants to tell their friends they smoked literal Monkey Farts and watch the group chat implode. Great for night-time Netflix binges, creative procrastination, or pretending your couch is a spaceship. Skip it if you need to operate heavy machinery, small children, or your own legs for the next three hours.