Old Spice by Taylormade Selections

Overview

The marketing team at Taylormade Selections apparently got drunk on nostalgia and thought, "What if we made weed that smells like retirement homes?" The result is Old Spice: a 50/50 hybrid that’s as balanced as a tightrope walker on edibles. With 18% THC, it won’t send you to the moon, but it will definitely rearrange your furniture while you’re too blissed out to notice.

This strain’s pedigree is shrouded in breeder secrecy—Taylormade claims meticulous record-keeping, but honestly, that could just be them writing "smells dank" on a napkin. Still, the genetic stability is impressive: 87% consistency in early batches, which is better odds than your Tinder date looking like their profile pic.

Effects

Imagine your brain putting on a smoking jacket and offering itself a brandy—that’s the cerebral lift. Meanwhile your body sinks into the couch like it’s 1973 and Nixon is still president. Users report feeling chatty yet relaxed, which is perfect for family reunions you didn’t want to attend but now can’t shut up at.

The comedown is gentle, like being tucked in by someone who definitely calls you "sport." No paranoia, no racing heart—just a smooth glide into snack-fueled nostalgia about cartoons that definitely had more lead paint in them.

Flavor & Aroma

Opening a jar of Old Spice is like opening your grandfather’s medicine cabinet if he was a stoner. The nose hits with musky spice, citrus zest, and a faint whisper of mothballs. It’s oddly comforting, like finding $20 in an old suit pocket that still smells like grandpa’s stories.

The flavor follows suit: woody spice on the inhale, lemon pledge on the exhale, with a finish that tastes like regret and Werther’s Originals. It’s the only strain where you’ll exhale and immediately want to watch black-and-white television.

Growing Tips

Old Spice grows like that one uncle who refuses to retire—sturdy, reliable, and slightly shorter than expected indoors. Expect 90 cm plants inside and 150 cm outside, yielding 500-600 g/m² if you treat them like the Greatest Generation they clearly identify with.

Flowering runs 8-9 weeks, during which the buds swell to 3-4 cm diameter—roughly the size of your grandpa’s conspiracy theory notes. The purple hues develop late, like his political opinions. Keep humidity low unless you want mold that smells like attic and broken dreams.

Medical Uses

Doctors won’t prescribe it for "existential dread about aging," but they probably should. Old Spice excels at melting stress, quieting anxious thoughts, and making you deeply contemplate why rotary phones were so heavy. Great for arthritis—mostly because you’ll be too relaxed to remember you have joints.

Appetite stimulation is mild but effective; you’ll crave foods your grandparents served at bridge club. Side effects include sudden interest in vinyl records and calling people "champ."

Who Should Smoke This

Perfect for millennials who want to understand their parents’ record collections and boomers who want to relive them. Also ideal for anyone whose idea of a wild night is reorganizing their stamp collection while listening to Steely Dan.

Skip it if you’re looking for face-melting potency or flavors that don’t remind you of estate sales. But if you’ve ever wanted weed that pairs well with cardigans and complaints about modern music, congratulations—you’ve found your soulmate.