Poltergeist OG

The Backstory: Exorcism in Plant Form

Sub Rosa Gardens didn’t breed this—they summoned it. Legend says the breeders were just trying to make a chill indica, but the lights flickered, the lab equipment spun 360°, and out popped Poltergeist OG. Named after the classic film because both will levitate your ass off the couch and into another dimension. Early test batches reportedly made judges at the 2021 Oregon Growers Cup speak in tongues (mostly about pizza).

Effects: Possession for the Modern Stoner

Twenty minutes in, your limbs feel like they’re nailed to the La-Z-Boy while your brain binge-watches its own highlight reel. Couch-lock so severe you’ll start charging rent to your cushions. Creativity spikes—expect to finally write that screenplay about a haunted dispensary—then forget it immediately. The 22-28% THC range means seasoned smokers float; rookies may need a priest and a Gatorade.

Flavor & Aroma: Pine-Sol Meets Citrus Poltergeist

Crack the jar and you’re punched by a pine forest that’s been ghost-peppered with lemon zest. Underneath lurks a dank, almost basement-y musk—like your grandma’s attic if she stored Christmas trees and secrets. Smoke it and the taste flips from earthy to sweet orange peel so fast you’ll swear your tongue just got possessed.

Growing Tips for Would-Be Ghostbusters

Indoor growers: keep humidity low or the buds get so frosty they’ll look like miniature snowmen. Outdoor plants top out at a manageable 5-6 feet—perfect for hiding from nosy neighbors who don’t appreciate poltergeist energy. Flowering time is 8-9 weeks, after which the colas look like they’ve been rolled in confectioners’ sugar and bad decisions. Yield is solid; just don’t scream when the carbon filter rattles at 3 a.m.

Medical Uses: Exorcism Not Included

Insomnia? This strain knocks you out faster than a Catholic bedtime story. Chronic pain melts away like ectoplasm under a proton pack. Anxiety sufferers report feeling “safely buried,” which is comforting until you realize you still have to get up for work. Appetite stimulation is extreme—patients have been spotted making grilled cheese with an iron at 2 a.m.

Who Should Summon This Spirit

Perfect for the Netflix marathoner who’s already seen everything and needs a plot twist in their own living room. Seasoned indica lovers only—rookies might find themselves texting their dealer at midnight asking if the walls are supposed to breathe. Not advised before operating heavy machinery (or light machinery, or any machinery that isn’t a microwave).