What Even Is This
Despite sounding like something you'd scrape off your shoe, Poop (better known as Unicorn Poop) is a Michigan-bred masterpiece from ThugPug Genetics. It's GMO (Garlic Cookies) crossed with Sophisticated Lady, which sounds like a Tinder date gone wrong but actually creates 50/50 hybrid magic. The name comes from its rainbow-colored buds that look like Lisa Frank's fever dream, not from any actual bathroom similarities—thank god.
Effects: Like Being Hugged by a Rainbow
The high starts with a euphoric head rush that makes everything hilarious, including the fact that you're smoking something called Poop. Creativity spikes for about 30 minutes before the indica genetics kick in like a weighted blanket made of clouds. Expect deep body relaxation without complete sedation—perfect for binge-watching nature documentaries while deeply contemplating if giraffes are just long horses.
Flavor & Aroma: Gas Station Candy Shop
Break open a nug and get hit with diesel fuel and garlic (thanks, GMO) followed by a candy store explosion of grape soda, cherry cough drops, and lemon-lime gummies. It's like someone spilled gas on a bag of Skittles in the best possible way. The smoke is surprisingly smooth with a sweet-spicy exhale that'll have you tongue-kissing your grinder for every last crumb.
Growing: Not for Amateur Hour
This strain is prettier than your Instagram filter but needs some TLC. Expect 8.5-10 weeks of flowering with two main phenotypes: one that's all GMO funk and looser structure, another that's candy-flavored and dense as a black hole. Cool night temps bring out those signature purples and pinks, but push too hard and you'll stunt trichome production. Hash makers love it—expect 4-7% yields from fresh-frozen material if you don't mess it up.
Medical: For When Life Feels Like... Well...
Patients report this strain excels at turning frowns upside down while melting chronic pain and anxiety. The initial sativa uplift helps with depression and PTSD, while the indica finish tackles insomnia and muscle tension. Just don't operate heavy machinery unless that machinery is a couch. May cause uncontrollable giggling at the strain name, which is technically therapeutic.
Who Should Smoke This
Perfect for connoisseurs who appreciate irony and actually good weed. If you're the friend who makes poop jokes at every opportunity, this is your spirit animal. Also great for anyone who wants to impress their friends with "the prettiest buds I've ever seen" while secretly enjoying 25% THC. Not recommended for people who can't handle strain names that sound like they belong in a kindergarten bathroom.
Want to actually find Poop near you? WeedVader.com has the real dispensary finder. We just have the jokes.