Purple Urkle X Tripoli Wicked

Genetic Tea Spill

Madd Farmer Genetics took the grape-flavored anesthetic known as Purple Urkle and cross-bred it with the mysterious Tripoli Wicked—because apparently one couch-lock wasn’t enough. The result is 80% indica dominance, which translates to “you’re not going anywhere for the next four hours.” Fun fact: they used ultraviolet cut procedures, so your buds will look like they’ve been vibing under a blacklight at a rave in 1998.

Effects: The Human Snooze Button

Expect your eyelids to gain about 50 pounds each within 15 minutes. Limbs? Optional. Brain? On airplane mode. This strain doesn’t just relax you—it files your taxes, tucks you in, and whispers bedtime stories about why you shouldn’t answer that text from your ex. Medical side note: perfect for pain, insomnia, or anyone who just wants to become one with the sofa.

Flavor & Aroma: Welch’s Gone Wild

Smells like a grape soda spilled in a pine forest during lavender season. Tastes like grandma’s grape jelly had a fling with a spicy earth bae and left you the love child. Every exhale is basically a fruit snack doing yoga in your mouth. Connoisseurs call it “complex”; the rest of us call it “purple drank without the legal issues.”

Growing: Set It & Forget It (Sort Of)

Indoors, she’s a squat little diva who’ll gift you up to 800 g/m² of violet nugs in 7-8 weeks. Outdoors, she’s basically a purple bush that looks like it’s wearing frosty jewelry. Keep humidity low unless you enjoy moldy grape jelly. Bonus: the short internodal spacing means she’s basically the Danny DeVito of cannabis—compact, charismatic, and surprisingly potent.

Who Actually Needs This

If your nightly routine includes doom-scrolling and existential dread, congratulations—you’re the target demo. Also ideal for gamers who want to become the loading screen, couples planning a silent Netflix evening, and anyone whose Fitbit keeps screaming about REM debt. Not for daytime use unless your job is testing pillows.