Pyramid

Overview: The Geometry of Getting Wrecked

Pyramid is what happens when breeders play Tetris with your neurotransmitters. Born from Lennon × Amnesia Haze but somehow landing at 70% indica dominance, it’s the genetic equivalent of ordering a salad and getting a deep-fried steak. The plant looks like a Christmas tree that joined a biker gang—dense nugs, purple flares, and trichomes so thick you could ice a cake with them.

Effects: Human Snooze Button

Thirty minutes in, your spine liquifies and your brain downgrades to Windows 95. Users report a two-stage high: stage one is euphoric creativity (great for deciding which streaming service to scroll), stage two is full hibernation mode. Side effects include forgetting where you left your phone while actively holding it and developing a romantic relationship with your sofa.

Flavor & Aroma: Pine-Sol Meets Citrus Gummies

Crack a jar and get slapped by earthy forest funk with a citrus uppercut. On the tongue it’s like licking a lemon peel rolled in pepper and dipped in honey—sweet, spicy, and slightly confused. The aroma peaks right before harvest, making your grow tent smell like a woodland Sprite commercial.

Growing: Set It, Forget It, Pray

Pyramid is basically the lazy roommate of cannabis: compact, resilient, and somehow still productive. Indoor plants stay under five feet, perfect for closets or that one corner your landlord never inspects. Yield jumps up to 20% over older phenos, so you’ll harvest enough to hibernate until the next ice age. Cool temps bring out purple hues—because who doesn’t want weed that matches their mood?

Medical: Prescription-Strength Chill Pill

Doctors won’t write this on a pad, but insomniacs treat it like Ambien with better PR. Melts chronic pain, anxiety, and any ambition to do laundry. Warning: may cause extreme appreciation for snack textures and existential conversations with houseplants.

Who It’s For: People Who Hate Verticality

If your idea of a wild Friday is horizontal meditation and rewatching Planet Earth for the 47th time, Pyramid is your spirit guide. Seasoned stoners only—newbies should probably pre-book a Lyft to their own bed. Great for artists who sculpt with pillows and philosophers who think best while unconscious.