Rehab

Strain Overview

Rehab sounds like a place your mom sends you after Spring Break, but it’s actually Dispensario’s love letter to anyone who believes the phrase "too much THC" is a myth. Bred during the Obama-era dispensary boom, it was designed to knock out pain, anxiety, and any lingering plans you had after 8 p.m.

Effects: From Zero to Horizontal

Two hits in and your spine turns into a Tempur-Pedic mattress. Limbs? Gone. Mental tabs? Closed. This is the strain that makes Netflix ask, "Are you still watching?" and you genuinely don’t know. Users report a warm, euphoric hug followed by the sudden realization you’ve been staring at the fridge for 20 minutes—without opening it.

Flavor & Aroma

Crack the jar and you’re punched by wet soil, black pepper, and a whisper of "your grandpa’s cedar chest." On the exhale, it smooths into sweet wood and a hint of musk—like drinking bourbon in a lumberyard while wearing a vintage leather jacket. The terpene squad is led by myrcene (the sandman) and caryophyllene (the spice rack).

Growing Notes

Rehab rewards the lazy yet meticulous. Indoors she’ll stack 400-500 g/m² of rock-hard, purple-tinged nugs that look like they’ve been rolled in sugar and bad decisions. She’s stable—95% uniform—so no mutant surprises, just dense Christmas trees dripping resin. Keep temps cool for extra violet hues that’ll make Instagram lose its mind.

Medical Uses

Perfect for patients who want to trade chronic pain, insomnia, or existential dread for an all-inclusive ticket to Snoozeville. PTSD? Meet PBS (Post-Bong Silence). Anxiety? It’s hard to worry when you can’t remember your own Wi-Fi password. Side effects may include forgetting what you walked into the room for—every time.

Who Should Smoke This

Night-shift zombies, insomniac philosophers, and anyone whose Fitbit registers rolling over as cardio. If your ideal Friday night is horizontal with snacks orbiting your torso, welcome home. Lightweights should proceed with a helmet and a pre-typed "I’m alive" text to mom.