Shaved Monkey

The Legend of the Hairless Ape

Exotic Genetix basically played genetic Jenga with classic hybrids until they created Shaved Monkey—because apparently regular monkeys weren't weird enough. Named after what happens when you give a primate a Brazilian wax and a joint, this strain emerged from decades of breeding programs that sound more like science fiction than agriculture. The breeder's 90% success rate means only 1 in 10 plants turned out to be actual monkeys. Probably.

Effects: Like Monkeying Around in Your Brain

At 18% THC, Shaved Monkey hits that sweet spot between "I can totally do my taxes" and "why is my cat judging me?" The balanced genetics give you the rare gift of being both relaxed and functional—perfect for pretending to work while actually watching nature documentaries about actual monkeys. Users report enhanced creativity, mild euphoria, and the sudden urge to groom their friends.

Flavor & Aroma: A Tropical Mistake

This strain smells like someone blended a fruit smoothie in the middle of a pine forest, then added a dash of "what the hell is that?" The terpene profile delivers sweet citrus up front with earthy undertones and a spicy finish that'll make your taste buds do backflips. It's basically aromatherapy for people who prefer their therapy federally questionable.

Growing: Easier Than Shaving an Actual Monkey

Shaved Monkey grows like it's got something to prove, producing dense, purple-tinged buds that look like they were frosted by an overzealous baker. With trichome coverage at 35%, these nugs are stickier than your last situationship. The strain shows off elongated leaves and calyxes that turn amber faster than your ex's new relationship. Even beginners can grow it, assuming they can resist the urge to actually shave anything.

Medical: Because Therapy is Expensive

While Shaved Monkey won't cure your crippling fear of commitment, it might help with anxiety, mild pain, and the existential dread of Monday mornings. The mood-elevating properties are perfect for when your brain decides 3 AM is the ideal time to remember that embarrassing thing you did in 7th grade. Just remember: actual monkeys still require professional medical care.

Perfect For

Creative types who need inspiration but don't want to melt into their couch. Social smokers who want to be interesting at parties without reciting their shower thoughts. Anyone who's ever looked at a regular monkey and thought, "yeah, I could smoke that." Basically, if you've got responsibilities but still want to feel like you're on a tropical island, Shaved Monkey is your hairless hero.