Suit & Tie

Corporate Overview

Rumor has it Suit & Tie is either a Thai sativa power lunch with an Afghani india happy-hour chaser, or some diesel-gelato love child bred to impress your LinkedIn connections. Either way, it’s the cannabis equivalent of a TED Talk: sounds important, feels smooth, and ends with everyone clapping (or just you clapping at your own jokes).

Effects: From Boardroom to Bedroom

First hit says “let’s crush this spreadsheet.” Five minutes later you’re scheduling a Zoom with your couch. Expect a laser-sharp cerebral lift that makes small talk bearable, followed by a mellow body melt that’s perfect for pretending to read quarterly reports while actually watching cat videos.

Flavor & Aroma: PowerPoint of Terps

Nose opens with citrus zest and a whiff of corner-office confidence, then slides into creamy, peppery decadence like the dessert you expensed to "client relations." The exhale is gassy enough to set off the building’s smoke alarm, but classy enough that security just assumes you’re vaping cologne.

Growing Notes: Cubicle Cultivation

Medium stretch, 8–10 week flower time—basically a corporate quarter. Buds dress in lime-green suits with copper pinstripes and enough trichome bling to look good on Instagram. Yield is respectable, but don’t expect Wall Street bonuses unless you LST like your promotion depends on it.

Medical Memo

Great for anxiety after realizing your Slack status has been "in a meeting" for three days straight. Also tackles mild aches from carrying the team on your back. Side effects may include sudden LinkedIn updates and the urge to expense everything as "team-building."

Who Should Wear This Suit

Perfect for remote workers who need to look productive on camera while actually horizontal, or anyone who wants to feel like the main character of a startup documentary. Not recommended for actual board meetings unless your board is extremely chill.