The Deputy

The Origin Story Nobody Asked For

Legend has it two elite parents—Bruce Banner #3 (the Hulk in a tux) and StarDawg (a Chemdog that barks louder than it bites)—got together in the 2010s data-driven breeding scene and produced The Deputy. Breeders basically wanted a strain that could bench-press your ego while smelling like a gas station next to a smoothie bar. Mission accomplished.

Effects: Instant Promotion to Space Sheriff

One bowl and you’ll swear you’ve been deputized to patrol the galaxy. The high hits like a taser to the frontal lobe—fast-onset euphoria followed by a body melt that’s somehow functional. At moderate doses you’ll still answer emails; at heroic doses you’ll try to arrest the couch for loitering. Paranoia level: medium—mostly just convinced your snacks are plotting mutiny.

Flavor & Aroma: Citrus-Diesel War Crime

Open the jar and you’re greeted by a chemical peel of lemon rind, overripe berries, and raw diesel. Smoke it and the taste flips from sweet tangerine to “who poured gasoline on my fruit salad?” The exhale lingers like you just frenched a lawnmower. Room note is classified as ‘instant divorce’ in non-smoking households.

Growing: For People Who Actually Read Manuals

The Deputy rewards control freaks. Indoors, SCROG her out or she’ll stretch like she’s trying to escape the tent. Expect 9–10 weeks of flower, Olympic-level resin output, and a smell that will out your grow to the entire zip code. Yields are generous—think “holiday bonus” rather than “cost-of-living raise.” Mold resistance is decent, but humidity still has to stay under ‘swamp armpit.’

Medical: Prescription Strength Sass

Patients report The Deputy shuts down chronic pain, stress, and the urge to interact with people you don’t like. Great for daytime if you micro-dose; great for nighttime if you enjoy drooling on yourself. Appetite stimulation is real—keep snacks on lockdown or you’ll wake up next to an empty family-size lasagna.

Who Should Smoke This

Perfect for seasoned tokers who own a grinder older than some TikTok stars. If your idea of relaxing is debating astrophysics with your cat while the room vibrates, welcome aboard. Newbies should proceed with caution or at least a designated sober friend who can remind you that walls aren’t actually breathing.