Who's Your Daddy by The Bakery Genetics

The Origin Story (Daddy Issues Included)

Born from a five-year breeding program that sounds more like a TLC reality show, Who's Your Daddy? emerged after 15 rejected phenotypes and countless awkward family reunions. The Bakery Genetics basically played cannabis Maury Povich until they found the perfect baby daddy - a 50/50 split that won't abandon you like your actual father. Science says it has 8.5/10 genetic stability, which is better than most people's actual family trees.

Effects: Like Therapy But Cheaper

This strain hits you with the classic hybrid one-two punch: sativa energy to finally text your ex back, followed by indica sedation to regret that decision immediately. Users report feeling "creatively productive" for about 20 minutes before getting distracted by their own hands. It's the perfect strain for pretending to work on your passion project while actually watching conspiracy documentaries about birds.

Flavor Profile: Earthy with Notes of Abandonment

The terpene profile reads like a breakup text: 1.2% total terpenes dominated by beta-caryophyllene (the "I'm spicy but emotionally unavailable" terp) and myrcene (the "I might ghost you" undertone). Expect pungent earthiness with sweet undertones, like your ex's apology that almost sounds sincere. Under magnification, you'll see over 200,000 trichomes per square centimeter - that's 200,000 tiny reasons to question your life choices.

Growing This Daddy

Medium-dense foliage with sturdy branches means this plant won't emotionally collapse under pressure like its namesake. Expect 20% yield increases during trials, which is 20% more than your deadbeat dad ever contributed. 30% of plants develop purple hues under stress - the botanical equivalent of getting your dad's drinking problem. It's basically the golden retriever of cannabis: reliable, stable, and won't leave you for a younger grower.

Medical Applications (Besides Daddy Issues)

With 60% indica-leaning medicinal traits, it's prescribed for patients who need to chill the hell out about their family trauma. The 40% sativa component helps you actually get up and call your therapist instead of just thinking about it. Perfect for treating chronic avoidance, acute responsibility-phobia, and that weird pain in your chest that might be heartbreak or just indigestion.

Who Should Smoke This

Ideal for anyone who's ever said "I don't have daddy issues" while aggressively scrolling Instagram at 2 AM. Great for creative types who need inspiration for their vague "art project" that's definitely not a cry for help. Also recommended for people who think 18% THC is "weak" but then green out after two hits because they haven't felt their feelings since 2019. Basically, if you've ever drunk-dialed your dad, this bud's for you.