51,970 Brutally Honest
Strain Reviews

🌿

🟢 Pure Sativa

Martian Mean Green

This Amsterdam-bred rocket fuel smells like a Christmas tree

THC 25%

🌿

🍨 Balanced Hybrid

Martian Milkshake V2

Imagine if Elon Musk opened a milkshake bar on Mars—this is

THC 15-25%

🌿

🟣 Couch-Lock Commander

Martian Monkey

Martian Monkey is the strain you reach for when your to-do l

THC 15-25%

🌿

🟣 Low-Rocket Indica

Martian OG

Martian OG is the cannabis equivalent of a Mars Rover: expen

THC 5%

🌿

🟡 Sativa-Leaning Hybrid

Martian Piss

Martian Piss smells like someone squeezed a lemon into a die

THC 20-28%

🌿

🚀 Balanced Hybrid

Martian Punchbowl

Imagine someone spiked the Kool-Aid at Area 51 with a fistfu

THC 15-25%

🌿

🚀 Sativa-Dominant Hybrid

Martianmallow OG

Imagine if a marshmallow got lost in a pine forest, ate too

THC 18-26%

🌿

⚫ Indica-Leaning Hash Monster

Maruf Black

Imagine if a cup of Turkish coffee and a slab of Afghani has

THC 15-25%

🌿

⚫ Old-School Afghan Couch Lock

Maruf Black Selection

Straight outta Kandahar, this inky-purple hashplant is what

THC 15-25%

🌿

🟣 Old-School Afghan Indica

Maruf Kandahar

This is what hash dreams were made of before 'cannasseurs' s

THC 14-22%

🌿

🔴 Pure Indica

Maruf Red

Maruf Red is the strain that looks like it’s already bleedin

THC 15-25%

🌿

🔴 Heritage Indica

Maruf Red Selection

Meet the strain that looks like Christmas and smells like yo

THC 18%

🌿

🟣 Indica

Marula

Marula is the strain you reach for when you want to feel lik

THC 15-25%

🌿

🟢 Sativa (a.k.a. “Daytime Do-Si-Do”)

Marula Fruit

Royal Queen Seeds’ Marula Fruit is what happens when a safar

THC 18-22%

🌿

⚖️ Balanced Hybrid

Marvista

Meet Marvista, the strain that can't decide if it wants to g

THC 15-25%

🌿

🤷‍♂️ Proprietary Hybrid

Mary Insa

Mary Insa is the cannabis equivalent of a LinkedIn influence

THC 30%

🌿

⚡ Sativa-leaning Hybrid

Mary Jane

The strain that dared to name itself after the entire plant.

THC 18-24%

🌿

⚖️ Balanced Hybrid Who Swears She's Chill

Mary Jane

Meet the strain so meta it named itself after the entire cul

THC 18-24%

🌿

⚖️ Balanced Hybrid

Mary Magdelene

The strain that turns water into wine... or at least turns y

THC 18-24%

🌿

🎩 Boutique Hybrid (a.k.a. 'Unicorn on the Menu')

Mary's Magic

Mary's Magic is the cannabis equivalent of a speakeasy passw

THC 15-25%

🌿

🟢 Mid-Atlantic Mystery Hybrid

Maryland Mantis

Meet Maryland Mantis—the strain that slinks around dispensar

THC 20-26%

🌿

🚀 Hybrid That Can't Decide

Marz

Think Mars Attacks meets Willy Wonka. This Envy Genetics cre

THC 20%

🌿

🌌 Dessert-Fueled Hybrid

Marz

Marz is what happens when Runtz, Gelato, and Zkittlez have a

THC 20-28%

🌿

🍰 Indica Dessert

Marzipan

Marzipan is the strain that tricks your brain into thinking

THC 20-26%

🌿

🔮 Couch-Lock Champion

Masa Critica

Meet the Barcelona brunch killer: Masa Critica by BCN Seeds.

THC 20%

🌿

🔴 Couch-Lock Certified Indica

Masa Critica by Pitt Bully

Meet Masa Critica, the strain that skipped siesta and went s

THC 16-22%

🌿

🥘 Hybrid with Ruderalis Spice

Masala Cheese Cookies

Imagine if a naan bread, a block of funky cheddar, and a Thi

THC 15-25%

🌿

🧄 Hybrid

Masala OG

Imagine OG Kush took a gap year in Mumbai and came back wear

THC 18-26%

🌿

🟣 Dessert-Class Indica

Mascarpone

Imagine eating tiramisu in a velvet robe while your legs get

THC 40%

🌿

⚡ Autofruit Hybrid

Mashed Manzana

Mephisto Genetics took dessert terps, hit the fast-forward b

THC 15-25%

🌿

⚖️ Balanced Hybrid

Mason Dixon

Mason Dixon is the diplomatic strain that brokered peace bet

THC 20%

🌿

⚡ Sativa-Dominant Daytripper

Mass Abduction

Echelon Gardens’ Mass Abduction beams you up with candied-gr

THC 15-25%

🌿

⚖️ Balanced Hybrid

Mass Chem

Mass Chem is what happens when Massachusetts nerds decide to

THC 15-25%

🌿

🚀 Sativa-Dominant Hybrid

Mass Effect

Named after the game that made you cancel plans for 120 hour

THC 15-25%

🌿

⚡ New England Rocket Fuel

Mass Gen Sour D

The Bay State’s middle finger to your productivity—Mass Gen

THC 15-25%

🌿

⚡ Ruderalis-Influenced Speed Demon

Mass Shooter Auto

The strain that sounds like a CNN chyron but hits like a TED

THC 15-25%

🌿

🟣 Couch-Lock Commando

Mass Super Skunk 2022

UFO Genetics took your dad’s retro skunk, pumped it full of

THC 15-25%

🌿

🟣 Couch-Lock Classic

Mass Super Skunk BX

The strain that makes your neighbor call the gas company—twi

THC 15-25%

🌿

⚫ Couch-Lock Certified Indica

Massif Plant

Meet Massif Plant, the strain that treats vertical time as o

THC 18-22%

🌿

🟢 Mostly Sativa

Massive AK

The Netherlands’ answer to "how do I feel wired and chill at

THC 15%

🌿

⚖️ Garlic-Flavored Balance Beam

Massive GMO Punch

Imagine someone bottled the essence of a late-night deli san

THC 15-25%

🌿

🤏 Compact Autoflower Hybrid

Massive Midget

The strain that proves size doesn't matter—it's how you use

THC 20-22%

🌿

🟣 Indica-Dominant Hybrid

Massive Punch

Massive Seeds basically took dessert, dipped it in glitter,

THC 18-26%

🌿

🟣 Indica-Dominant Couch Magnet

MassKush

MassKush is what happens when European breeders decide "more

THC 18-24%

🌿

⚡ Auto-Flowering Couch Magnet

MassKush Auto

MassKush Auto is the cannabis equivalent of a microwave dinn

THC 15-25%

🌿

🟣 Old-School Indica

MassSuperSkunk

The strain that made 90s dorm halls smell like a skunk orgy.

THC 15-25%

🌿

🟣 Indica (AKA Couch Lock & Order)

Master 'n Crime

Master 'n Crime is the strain equivalent of a true crime pod

THC 18-26%

🌿

⚡ Auto Hybrid

Master Bruce

Master Bruce is the "secret menu" autoflower that Night Owl

THC 18%